Friday, February 18, 2011

Paradise Shattered by 10-Day Cleanse

IMG_0227 We are currently anchored off the Tamarindo Resort at the very south end of Tenacatita Bay.  If I thought that other places along the way were paradise, I was wrong.  This is it.  Gorgeous homes and bungalows for rent at a high price, gorgeous grounds, IMG_0236gorgeous pool, great (but PRICEY food) and nothing to do but relax.  There are hammocks and hammock beds through out the grounds.  And there is barely anyone here.  This is where I want to come when I want peace and tranquility in my vacations.

Did I say the food was great?  I actually wouldn’t know much about the food.  I’m on Day 9 of a 10 day cleanse.  The Master Cleanse.  The cleanse to end all cleanses.  The drink-only-lime-juice-mixed-with-water-maple-syrup-and-cayenne cleanse.  And try-to-fit-in-3-to-4-bowel-movements-(NOT)-in-between-with-the-help-of-herbal-laxatives cleanse.  The create-a-situation-in-which-you-alienate-your-entire-family-with-your-bitchiness cleanse.  No food.  Oh, but you can also indulge in herbal teas if you want some variety.  How thoughtful.

I decided to do a cleanse to see if it will help my headaches, migraines, food sensitivities, bloating, constipation (see blog It's Time to Address the Stick), and other maladies I tend to kvetch about.  What better time to attempt this experience when you have no work responsibilities.

For the first three days, I thought I was dying.  I had no desire for food because I was nauseous all the time, and felt fluish.  I wondered if this is what chemo felt like. But I kept at it.  Day four I awoke feeling energetic and good.  Michael has stepped up and helped with most meal prep, and for the most part, I use meal times as alone time since it’s a bit too hard to watch people eat really good meals (actually, any meal looks good), and too hard to smell it.  I have definitely lost the bloatedness, so that I am no longer being mistaken for a pregnant woman, but I don’t know if I’ve lost pounds as I don’t have a scale.  Actually, other than the bitchiness, it hasn’t been all that bad. 

And bitchiness has been a HUGE problem.  Beginning Day 6 of the cleanse, the spelling of my name has changed from Barb to capital B-I-T-C-H.  I have ragged on my kids about school, about chores, about  just about everything except breathing (wait, I complained about bad breath).  Michael has been pretty patient with me, bless him, until he lost it with me yesterday.  They say that there are some side effects with the cleanse, including Irritability. No shit.  And it’s a full moon.  Harrison actually asked me to please stop using swear words.   

As an aside, they also say that the cleanse will bring up interesting things over its course.  For example, people who haven’t smoked for 20 years may taste nicotine in their mouths, as their body’s tissues rid themselves of all the toxins.  I had an interesting experience on Day 3:  My right hip was really aching me and I couldn’t get comfortable as I slept.  I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to have it ache, and then I realized: I had injured it in a bike accident in 1996.  Maybe it was just cleaning itself out? Not sure if it’s just pure coincidence, but I guess it’s possible that the two are related, no?

Anyhow, yesterday, after an early morning blow out over homeschooling, or chores, or who knows what, I went to shore to do some yoga led by my friend and yoga instructor Tammy Finnerty (s/v Santosha).  We started with a  silent meditation walk along the beach followed by a meditation in which Tammy did a great job guiding us through intention-setting.  It was at that time that I reconnected with my Future Self (how I see myself in 20 years – designed through a coaching exercise I do with clients and have had done to me – my Future Self is my most positive self, with all the traits I value, and it can be quite a powerful tool in overcoming just about anything you need to overcome).  I was able to return to the boat in true calm and patience, and the kids and I had a great rest of the afternoon.  Michael, however, needed more time and personal  space, and who can blame him? My apologies felt so empty given that I keep going back to the same yuckiness.  I’m hoping my Future Self will help me through these last couple of days of this cleanse.

Our 15th wedding anniversary is today, and all is peaceful on the homefront.  But I still can’t wait to eat some vegetables.

-Barb in Tenacatita Bay
Anchored off the Tamarindo Resort
Latitude: 19 degrees 15.698 minutes North
Longitude: 104 degrees 48.124 minutes West


  1. Happy Anniversary! I remember your wedding very clearly. Wishing you many more happy, healthy ones.


  2. Happy happy happy anniversary! Miss you guys....Careyes is awesome. Another life style of the rich and famous kinda place. Your blog is awesome, and you are brave to be so honest. See you in La Cruz!

  3. I just read this now. i honestly would love to hear more about the cleanse (and the "bitchiness" as you are far from that in my opinion!!). I have been wanting to do it for so long and there never seems to be the right time with busy life with kids in the big city. You have given me determination to do it! I hope you kept a diary so you can share more with me. i hope you both got my happy ann wishes i sent you by email yesterday. Im sure you have never looked and felt better. My hat goes off to you.

  4. I read about those cleanses but realized that I would not only lose weight but lose my family because I am already b*tchy enough by basic dieting. So you are an inspiration barb!! Keep it up.. I had to serve the most yummy pizza to my family last night while I was chomping on salad.. yumm yummm..

  5. Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a stomach virus in the middle of the Amazon jungle? ...where I had to ask for a "washroom" (really an unlit outhouse without water) from a street vendor/snackbar,...and then had to ask the owner for water to flush (one of several) and disturb him from dissecting this giant turtle (for his dinner),...and, of course, I am leaving out the major disgusting details, however... I loved your descriptions and would definitely never consider a cleanse of this scope!
    I guess a quiet, beautiful and romantic anniversary dinner was out of the, what did you do to celebrate instead????

  6. Hi Barb, Michael and kids. I am officially logged on and am now a bona fide blog follower. Happy 15th Anniversary! How exactly does a couple married 15 years spend their anniversary at sea? Hope it involved a romantic candle lit dinner under the Mexican stars and a sleepover for the kids on one of the kids boats. Your adventure sounds really exciting and I envy your close family time. Not sure my two teenagers would survive the ordeal-not sure we would either! Looking forward to following you on your amazing journey. lotsa luv, watch out for the sharks! Sheryl.

  7. Barb...this was a hoot. So glad you shared it with us. I would tell you that there isn't a women alive that could live in a small space of many walk-in closets (of friends and clients I know) without becoming some form of a bitch. Food or no food. I used to think one wackiness of Michael Jackson was the weekly "cleanses" he did (god knows what was coming out of his body) and here you are on a 10 day one. Girl...that's too much and that's coming from a girl that spent the last 16 years in Southern California where it's all ridding ones self of toxins in one way or another. Me, I'll just wait for my second life to perfect this old body of mine and hope to hell that no one else notices anything else but the funny and sweet girl who stands by my side daily begging me for sweets, more ice cream and yes, that's Zada, my soon to be 6 year old! Wonderful posting...loved it, so glad to have wifi today to read it. xoxo Nancy on Eyoni, a few slips down from you at La Cruz Nayarit Mexico